When Success Starts to Feel Empty

Andre Karl Misso
Jan 6
6 min read

An Integrative Reset for High Performers

You’re doing well by most measures. Good income. Respect. Options. A calendar full of “important” things. And yet… there’s a quiet drag on the inside. A sense that you’re performing life, not living it. You’re winning while feeling oddly hollow.

This is more common than people admit, especially for busy executives in their 30s to 60s. And it rarely starts with a meltdown. It starts with drift. Drift usually shows up as a negative attitude, not the obvious, dramatic kind… but the subtle kind that becomes your default setting: cynical, defensive, easily irritated, always “on edge”, struggling to enjoy what you’ve built.

A recent psychology piece describes negative attitude as:

persistent pessimism and focusing on problems rather than solutions, often showing up as patterns like frequent complaining, defensiveness, blaming others, isolation, resisting change, and even neglecting self-care (Cherry, 2024/2025).

That’s not just “mindset”. That’s a whole-life signal. The real question isn’t “How do I be more positive?” It’s: What’s actually driving my drift pattern of distraction, derailment, and (quiet) disqualification, and how do I atone and attune?

The Drift Pattern

Here’s what I see in high performers:

1) Distraction

Busy, but not anchored. Productive, but not aligned. Consuming information, reacting to demands, responding to messages but gradually losing their centre.

2) Derailment

The drift starts spilling into tone and behaviour:

more snapping, less listening
more control, less connection
more avoidance, less courage
more “fine”, less honest

This maps directly onto several warning signs: pessimism, self-criticism, defensiveness, blaming, and difficulty seeing positives (Cherry, 2024/2025).

3) Disqualification

Not disqualified by lack of talent, disqualified by erosion:

relationships become transactional
spirituality becomes occasional
body becomes a tool, not a temple
inner life becomes dry

You’re still “successful”… but you’re not fully there.

Why siloed fixes don’t work

Most advice is siloed:

“Just do gratitude.”
“Just sleep more.”
“Just pray.”
“Just be disciplined.”

But you and I both know: you can sleep 8 hours and still feel empty. You can pray and still feel reactive. You can be disciplined and still be disconnected. That’s why your reset must be integrative (physiology, psychology, leadership habits, and spiritual alignment working together).

I like to frame it through:

SNMRC: Sleep, Nutrition, Movement, Relaxation, Connection
The 7 Habits: character-driven effectiveness (Covey, 1989)
Biblical formation: repentance + abiding (Romans 12:2, NKJV; John 15:5, NKJV)

The integrative diagnosis: what’s really going on?

A) Your attitude is shaped by patterns

That psychology piece highlights cognitive distortions like catastrophising, black-and-white thinking, and filtering (Cherry, 2024/2025) are classic “successful person traps”:

Catastrophising: “If this fails, everything collapses.”
Filtering: you only see what’s wrong (even when things are objectively good).
Black-and-white thinking: “If it’s not excellent, it’s rubbish.”

These patterns don’t just affect mood. They affect leadership, marriage, parenting, faith, and your capacity to enjoy life.

B) Your body is not neutral

If your SNMRC foundations are crumbling, your “mindset” will pay the price. Whole fields of research link sleep loss to worse mood and performance (Pilcher & Huffcutt, 1996), exercise to improved mental health outcomes (Schuch et al., 2016), and social connection to health and longevity (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2010).

C) Your soul is signalling misalignment

In Scripture, drifting isn’t treated as a minor issue. It’s treated as misalignment of love, attention, worship, and obedience.

“Be transformed by the renewing of your mind…” (Romans 12:2, NKJV)
“Abide in Me… for without Me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5, NKJV)
“Search me, O God… and lead me…” (Psalm 139:23–24, NKJV)

This is where your phrase lands beautifully:

Atonement = ownership before God (no blame, no hiding).
Attunement = alignment with God (not striving, but abiding).

Dallas Willard wrote extensively about spiritual formation as an embodied life, inner transformation expressed through daily practices, not just beliefs (Willard, 1998). That’s integrative by design.

The “7 Habits” connection: why attitude is a leadership issue

Covey’s core idea is “inside-out” effectiveness—character precedes tactics (Covey, 1989). A negative attitude often signals you’re operating from:

low clarity (Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind)
low agency (Habit 1: Be Proactive)
low priority discipline (Habit 3: Put First Things First)
relational decay (Habits 4–6)
low renewal (Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw)

So attitude isn’t “just how you feel”. It’s feedback on whether your life is aligned with your values. And that’s just it about “attitude”, it is our being evaluating the external world and making decisions about its lived-experience.

The ShiftHappens reset with a 30-day integrative protocol

Not a reinvention. A return.

Step 1: Identify your drift (10-minute self-audit)

Pick your top 3 signs that show up most weeks (Cherry, 2024/2025):

complaining
pessimism
self-critical talk
defensiveness
blaming
difficulty seeing positives
overgeneralising
isolation
resisting change
neglecting self-care

Now answer:

Where does it show up most? (Work / home / body / God / friendships)
What does it cost you? (peace / patience / intimacy / courage / joy)
What is it protecting you from? (rejection / shame / uncertainty / failure)*

*That last one is gold. Negativity often functions as armour.

Step 2: At-one-ment (ownership without self-hate)

A practical prayer or (less faith inclined) you can call it a verbal declaration of your current state:

“Lord, I confess my drift. I’ve used cynicism as armour. Re-order me.” Or without the faith-based verbals, “I have drifted. I’ve used cynicism as my armour. I am better than that”

Then write one sentence:

My part is: ________ [declare your purpose]
God’s invitation is: ________ or The Invitation I give myself is: ________
My next obedient step is: ________

This directly counters blame/defensiveness patterns (Cherry, 2024/2025) and brings you back to proactivity (Covey, 1989).

Step 3: At-tune-ment (build rhythms, not resolutions)

Here’s the SNMRC (Sleep, Nutrition, Movement, Relaxation, Connection × 7 Habits integration:

Sleep (Sharpen the Saw + Put First Things First)

Aim: protect mood, judgement, emotional control.

fixed wake time 5–6 days/week
caffeine cut-off 8 hours before bed
20-minute power-down (no email; short prayer + breathing)

Sleep loss reliably impairs performance and mood (Pilcher & Huffcutt, 1996).

Nutrition (Be Proactive + First Things First)

Aim: stable energy, fewer mood crashes, better patience.

protein-forward breakfast
“2pm rule”: reduce sugar hits after 2pm
alcohol boundary (track next-day mood), eliminate if desired

Diet quality can influence mood and mental health in meaningful ways for some people (Jacka et al., 2017).

Movement (Sharpen the Saw)

Aim: metabolise stress instead of storing it.

3 × 30 min/week (walk counts)
2 × 5 min “stress flush” walks on high-pressure days

Exercise shows consistent benefit for depressive symptoms and wellbeing across studies (Schuch et al., 2016).

Relaxation (Begin with the End in Mind)

Aim: train your nervous system to come off high alert.

10 minutes/day: slow breathing + short Scripture reflection
one screen-free block daily

Kabat-Zinn’s work popularised structured mindfulness practice for stress and wellbeing (Kabat-Zinn, 1990).

Connection (Win-Win, Understand, Synergise)

Aim: end “successful loneliness”.

Reach-out: one honest conversation/week
Serve: one act of service/week
Support: one spiritual community touchpoint/week

Strong relationships are associated with lower mortality risk and better health outcomes (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2010).

A simple self-assessment

Score 0–10:

My current attitude is more solution-focused than problem-focused.
My calendar reflects my highest values, not just my obligations.
My body has enough sleep, movement, and calm to support my calling.
I feel connected (Faith + people), not just busy.

If your scores are low, that’s not condemnation. That’s indication, direction.

You don’t need more drive; you need alignment

A negative attitude isn’t always a character flaw. Often it’s a signal:

you are protecting something important
you’re carrying too much alone
your body is under-recovered
your priorities are out of order
your soul is starved of God’s presence

Atonement says: I own up to my drift.

Attunement says: I reorder my life around what gives life.

Your Call

If you want, reply with your top 3 “drift signs” and your lowest SNMRC area, I’ll map a tight 7-day reset plan for you. (Do so before the close of Q1 2026)

References

Cherry, K. (2025, August 15). 10 signs you have a negative attitude and how to fix it (Original work published August 28, 2024). Explore Psychology.
Covey, S. R. (1989). The 7 habits of highly effective people: Powerful lessons in personal change. Free Press.
Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk: A meta-analytic review. PLoS Medicine, 7(7), e1000316.
Jacka, F. N., O’Neil, A., Opie, R., Itsiopoulos, C., Cotton, S., Mohebbi, M., … Berk, M. (2017). A randomised controlled trial of dietary improvement for adults with major depression (the “SMILES” trial). BMC Medicine, 15, 23.
Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). Full catastrophe living. Delacorte.
Pilcher, J. J., & Huffcutt, A. I. (1996). Effects of sleep deprivation on performance: A meta-analysis. Sleep, 19(4), 318–326.
Schuch, F. B., Vancampfort, D., Richards, J., Rosenbaum, S., Ward, P. B., & Stubbs, B. (2016). Exercise as a treatment for depression: A meta-analysis adjusting for publication bias. Journal of Psychiatric Research, 77, 42–51.
The Holy Bible, New King James Version. (1982). Thomas Nelson.
Willard, D. (1998). The divine conspiracy: Rediscovering our hidden life in God. HarperOne.